Handcuffs
by Dontmezwitme
Summary: Taiwan has had it up to her earlobes with America's silent treatment. Unfortunately, England gets involved and handcuffs are snapped over someone's wrist. Who are the poor Nations being handcuffed together? WARNING: Taiwan's on her time of the month.
1. Chapter 1

If one was in the Center of the World right then they would see a small, Asian girl with mass weaponry running after a taller blonde American. If this were real life, people would assume that the American was a coward and the Asian girl had pretty realistic props. In the Center of the World, even the smallest Nation had street cred and could seriously dismember the average human with their pinky.

"America, you bastard! Come back here! Thirty years of non-recognition and you still manage to screw me over!" the girl shouted, brandishing a rather large carving knife. Which, as everyone knows, can dismember the average human much easier.

America, pumping his arms and legs like crazy, refused to look back or to reply. Taiwan was scary and she was on 'that time of the month', which meant that she was freaking insane. Most, if not all, female nations got this strange sickness that no one would tell him about. It made America wonder why the women hadn't taken over the world yet.

"AMERICA! I'm talking to you!" A knife spinning end over end ended his musings; it shot past his ear to make a beeline for Lithuania. Thankfully, he ducked and the wall was the unfortunate interceptor of the blade.

Crap. Wall.

America was forced to swerve desperately so as to avoid smacking into the wall. Unfortunately, he chose the side that had large double doors. Very finely crafted, too; dark wood carved with beautiful murals of victory from every country; gold plate running up the sides; all in all the doors must have cost a fortune.

When one is being chased by a girl that is on 'that time of the month' and given lethal weapons, one does not pause to acknowledge the finer details in life. In fact, one often bulldozes through the finer details in life, such as extremely expensive, irreplaceable double doors to the meeting room, and leave the remains of said finer details in life numbering around ten thousand pieces on the floor. That was just how America rolled.

The other Nations gaped at the tall, freakishly strong American-an American, mind you, who had revolutionized the world and so far was one of the only people who could stand up to Russia- jump over the table and land on the far side, crouching underneath right next to England.

The Nations started talking to one another, trying to determine the cause as Taiwan walked into the opening of what used to be doors and gave a little half-smile. An incredibly creepy half-smile.

"So. Where's the bastard?"

As one, the assembled Nations took in her sub-machine gun and carving knife.

"He's not here." said England. America gave a frantic thumbs up to him.

"Of course he is!" protested Iraq. "He's under the table right next to you!"

Dead silence.

Slowly, America got up, hands in the air, followed by England. Wary, he watched her in order to have fair warning when she threw a knife. Or tried to shoot him. Or the assortment of ways she could kill.

He saw out of the corner of his eye Korea inching over to Taiwan. He had no idea what the guy was going to do; he just hoped that it was painful, or harmful, or immobilizing. Preferably all three.

So when Korea tugged on Taiwan's wild curl, he wasn't expecting her to stiffen, blush profusely and sink slowly towards the ground.

"Korea! Don't touch _there_!" Japan shoved his way through the countries and pushed Korea away.

"Sorry, Wan-chan. Can you give over your weapons, please?"

"Fine, Pan-kun. As long as I still get to punch that idiot."

"Thank you. Please don't do that again, Wan-chan. We would have given you the materials if you'd just asked. Besides, everyone gets to punch him. He's _America_."

The Nations, aside from the Asians, England, and America, promptly went back to business. They were relieved that the threat had been neutralized and gave their full attention on the summit.

So they didn't see the three dozen Japanese throwing stars, a wide assortment of knives and daggers, the Chinese short sword along with the sub-machine gun (which had Made in Korea plastered on it), or the hand-gun strapped to her thigh. When it seemed that there could not possibly be another place she could have stashed something, she reached into her plum-blossom hair clip and drew out a small vial of clear liquid.

"Meimei, you know how dangerous that is, aru." said China with a pained look on his face.

"It was my last resort! Besides, it's something that I make myself, so by rights I shouldn't have to give it to you." She pointed out.

She handed it over anyways.

"…Taiwan." A young boy about her age with strange eyebrows poked her.

"Yes, Hong?" she asked, poking him back.

"…You scared the shit out of me."

"Thank you."

"Thought you'd like that. Next time, I wanna go too. I have some firecrackers…" He put a hand in one of his sleeves and drew out a red stick with ornamental gold writing on it.

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" spluttered England. He took hold of Taiwan and America, pulling them away from the concerned Asians.

"Okay, you two, obviously something's upset the both of you pretty well." He rifled through his pockets. "Now…I'm sure I have it…Hah!" The Englishman handcuffed America's left wrist to Taiwan's right.

"Now then, you gits, I have the key. Don't do anything stupid and when you can convince me you won't destroy anything else, I'll unlock the cuffs."

He was smacked upside the head near-immediately by China, shrieking profanities at opium sellers defiling his sister and wielding a wok. England was also kicked in the back and punched in the stomach by Japan, who was _thinking_ profanities at the opium seller defiling his sister. Hong Kong and Korea didn't bother with him but spent the entire listing every single painful torture they could think of to America, all of which involving firecrackers. In the end, America and England concluded that Taiwan had too many older brothers. And the older brothers were way too protective.


	2. Chapter 2

**ADMIT IT.**

**YOU GUYS THOUGHT THAT I'D NEVER EVER REVISIT THIS.**

**BUT GUESS WHAT.**

**I DID.**

**I'm very happy. Have you noticed?

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**

"Well, shit." commented America.

"I concur." said Taiwan. They stared at the handcuffs and the nine-_only nine!-_links of chain joining them. They had tried everything to get them off short of guns-which they had unanimously agreed was too damn risky. In the end, England had made them stop, firmly smacking them upside the heads and saying that the cuffs were _magical_ and _special_ and _if they kept trying to destroy his bloody handcuffs he'd never free them_.

Obviously, the tripe about magical handcuffs was disbelieved. But the fact that they had to survive who knew how long with each other was enough to make them beg on their knees.

Unfortunately, England was not in a good mood that day after sustaining multiple injuries by a heavy metal wok, and didn't heed them. He'd bundled them out of the meeting room so that he didn't draw attention or have to see them and he walked off muttering about various balms for his soon-to-be impressive bruises. He eventually woke up in the morning with a plethora of blue and purple striping his stomach and back. England couldn't move for a few days.

Taiwan and America watched him go. Saying that they weren't pleased was an understatement;. Taiwan because she _wanted_ her weapons back as soon as possible; America because he was chained to the one person in the world that he was supposed to ignore, and at the very least publicly. He'd had three legged and three-armed races before, and those had required _both_ people to cooperate. Plus, China, Hong Kong, Korea and Japan had been forced to hang back when they'd gone out of the Meeting Room. If looks could kill, both America and England would have been smoking piles of ash.

This wasn't going to go down well.

He felt a tap on his shoulder and he turned.

Taiwan's fist smashed into his face, and he stumbled backwards. The unfortunate side effect was that Taiwan stumbled with him (owing to the chain being so short) and crashed headlong into his chest. Now, Taiwan was not as dainty as she looked, and really did have a fair bit of muscle on her and so having her crash into you was not like being pelted with delicate flowers. They nearly fell; but handcuffs were unbearably tight on their wrists, bringing them up short, causing America to wince and tears to spring to Taiwan's eyes.

"The hell was that for? Heroes don't deserve to be punched!" he whispered angrily, nursing his wounded cheek.

"That's for getting us in this mess!" she hissed.

"Hong Kong aru. Do you hear something aru? I'm sure that it's not two Nations who are _not supposed to talk to each other aru._" A voice floated out from around a corner, steadily gaining volume as its owner got closer.

America, to put it simply, panicked.

He scooped up Taiwan (ignoring her protests) under his arm so that it looked like she was a package. He sprinted as fast as he could around a corner, through a few halls and finally into a deserted room. It looked a good deal like the meeting room they had left, but smaller and more ancient; Ivy grew up the walls and the windows looked out onto a small garden, while the table was made of plain, dark, polished wood. There weren't any whiteboards; only one completely bare cream wall with a few sticks of charcoal lying about on the ground. In one corner, there was a bucket.

"I think that they might've gone somewhere over here! Hey, Japan, didja see how fast he ran?"

"Be-_wheeze_-quiet."

"Awww, you were winded that easily? How pathetic is that? I mean, running fast was invented in Korea! Obviously you haven't picked it up yet! And how is China going to get his hands on those two treaty-breakers when you're practically dying on me?" Korea chattered on endlessly as he and Japan passed through the hallway outside of the room.

America and Taiwan silently stared at each other, completely nonplussed.

"We're so fucking screwed." groaned Taiwan.

"No we aren't! I'm a hero and I'll help maidens in distress-"proclaimed America.

"HEY! Japan! I heard something! Let's go back through here!"

Taiwan put a (non-handcuffed) hand over her mouth, eyes widening. She put one over America's too since he looked like he was going to say something stupid.

Running footsteps echoed through the corridor, completely bypassing their room again. Following it was a slew of Japanese, chanted rather fast and with fear.

Taiwan bent to pick up a piece of charcoal. She tried, anyways. America was still standing quite solidly and so she made a pitiful grasp at one. She dragged both of her hands down and succeeded in tipping America over and landing him on his face. Stick of charcoal in hand, she quickly wrote in rounded, neat handwriting.

_Look, bastard, let's just get through this alive. I doubt that you'll be able to fend off all four of my brothers. Write small. I don't know if the charcoal can be smeared off._

America squinted at the tiny print. He started to write, and his scrawl was so bad she made him write it again.

_Look, I (sorta kinda not really) invented English, so I should write it better than you. The hell are you so poky about._

_You're just sore because I have better handwriting. Besides, bastard, I'm not the one who nearly cut off my weapon supply._

_What are you talking about?_

…_You mean China was wrong?_

_Do ducks swim?_

_He told me that you were going to stop supplying me with weapons!_

America stared at the sentence. He turned to Taiwan and started to say, "Are you-"

Sound only meters away from their door made them stiffen.

"HAHAHAHAHA! I HEARD THEM, USING MY AWESOME HEARING!"

"Korea, stop getting carried away! How could you have heard them?"

"BUT I HEARD THEM. Didn't you hear me? Or them? Obviously awesome hearing originated in me. Those two lovebirds are somewhere near!"

Taiwan resisted the urge to break her skull against the wall. She relieved her anger by drawing little arrows piercing a charcoal Korea's body one by one, starting with feet, and making spouts of blood come out.

_You know,_ wrote America, making a little arrow at Korea's body, _it's almost as if you aren't basking in my hero-ness._

Taiwan indulged herself and head met wall. It made a reassuring _thunk_, as if reminding her that the world _was_ sane;. It was just covered in layers of crazy. _Relax,_ she told herself. _The bastard is just a by-product of when physics stopped working for a second. Da Ge and Hong Kong and Korea were never sane to begin with. Pan-kun'll understand._

She pictured Japan when she was herded out of the meeting room. Her hope died.

Her musing was cut off by someone poking her. Over and over.

She gritted her teeth and lifted her head off the wall, looking squarely at America. For someone she had deemed idiotic, he sure didn't seem to be. In fact, he looked almost…sorry? Nah. The bastard wasn't capable of being sorry.

_Could you please stop poking me before I kill you?_

_Someone's unhappy._

_I'm being hunted by my brothers! China's going to kill me! Or worse! Maybe he'll raise the tariffs on my exports! Maybe…_

Taiwan's hand trailed down, the charcoal drawing a loose line. Then she drew a picture of a missile. She didn't realize how much of an impact this would have on her. China had just begun to loosen up, and she'd just signed a treaty with him. It didn't seem fair that all that work was set back because she made the mistake of lo-

_It's probably nothing. _She forced herself to write.

She noticed that America was still staring at the missile. She rubbed it out forcefully, black staining her fingers and creating an ugly grey smear on the board.

She looked away.

"Taiwan…I'm sorry." America murmured, sagging against the wall. "I-I just mess everyone up. I want to be a hero, but lately…no matter what I do, it's like I can't do anything right." Memories of the oil spill flashed between them. The seagulls and fish, petrified in black liquid and dying slow, horrible deaths.

Taiwan felt herself soften. She reached her hand out to place on his shoulder. At that moment, Korea, finally homing in on their position after running up and down the corridor dragging Japan after him like a sled, burst through the door.

The first thing she did was grab the bucket and throw the water in it at the wall, erasing their words. America, panicking again because god-damn-it-his-boss-was-going-to-_kill-_him, tucked Taiwan under his arm and barreled past Korea and Japan, who were staring dumbfounded at the fast-moving man.

"Which way?" he shouted, having no idea where he was. It was the African part of the building, wasn't it-

"I have no idea! Idiot! We're in the bloody European section!" she yelled back at him. She was feeling rather uncomfortable being carried like a package.

"What? Isn't it the African section?" he asked, panicking.

"No! Oh _honestly, _why would I know which way to go in the African section? You stupid egotistical-"

America skidded to a stop when Hong Kong and China rounded the corner and spun around, hurtling down the corridors. Almost none of the countries were around since there was a meeting going on, but out of the corner of her eye Taiwan saw Monaco peek out of a door, a disapproving look on her face.

"There! _There!_" screeched Taiwan. America, seeing Monaco, practically flew through the door and landed in a heap on the ground. Monaco closed the door and they listened to the pounding of feet as, in various languages, Taiwan's brothers were groaning, cursing, and shouting death threats.

Taiwan squirmed out from under America and was faced with Monaco glaring at her.

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**SHOCKING TWIST!**

**Because out of all the Europeans, the one I picked randomly was Monaco. May God have mercy on us all.  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**Oh yeah, this is kinda short...  
**

**Sorry!

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**

"Why oh _why _did you bring this galumphing oaf into my room?" she asked acidly.

"Ratified Female Nation Agreement of '94." Taiwan rattled off. "'Upon the circumstance that a fellow girl needs help, since there are so few of us, the nearest female is to give her shelter for at least half a day, or however long the threat persists."

"Yes, I know, but why _me,_ for God's sake?" Monaco harrumphed. Adjusting her glasses, she sat on her bed, thoroughly peeved. "You do know that China will take this as me being offensive?"

"Oi, the hero's got problems too, you know!" piped up America. He swiveled awkwardly until he was lying flat on his back. "My boss is going to kill me!"

Taiwan kicked him and Monaco rolled her eyes. "Idiot." They muttered simultaneously.

"So how are you going to get us out of this mess, _hero?_" asked Monaco, sarcasm dripping from her every word.

America opened his mouth, and Taiwan shot him a glare. He closed it. He opened it again, managed a vowel, then snapped it shut and looked thoughtful. "That's a good question."

Taiwan smacked her head against the wall. "Why"-_thunk_-"did"-_thunk_-"England"-_thunk_-"choose"-_thunk_-"him? Hundreds-hundreds of Nations, and I get the dumbest one out of the lot?"

America patted Monaco's hand consolingly. "Don't worry, I'm sure she doesn't mean it."

Monaco removed her glasses and smacked her hand against her face. "Does he always do this?"

"Yes. My head is starting to feel sore."

America looked from one to the other until comprehension dawned on his face. "You can't stand how amazing I am?" he asked excitedly.

_Thunk._

_Smack._

0o0o0

Monaco had locked the door, and the three sat on the floor. Taiwan rubbed at her wrist unconsciously.

"Well, what can we do?" sighed Monaco. She massaged the bridge of her nose, a headache building. "The handcuffs won't come off no matter what you do?"

The two nodded.

"No trick openings, no little catches, nothing?" she said, looking at the chain skeptically. "It looks pretty flimsy."

America took the chain and attempted to twist it, or maybe break it. Nothing. Not a single link warped or twisted or did anything else interesting.

"Right then…you could break your thumb." suggested the pitiless Monaco.

"No, it wouldn't work." Taiwan demonstrated, her small hand looking like it could be drawn out of the chain. When she drew it forwards, the circle of metal slowly tightened until she could barely get her wristbone through. Then she drew it backwards, the circle widened until she could wear it on her shoulder. (America had to move his hand to accommodate this.)

"So they _are_ magic!" exclaimed America. Then he frowned. "Why is it that when I make a movement, it hurts? Why doesn't it just slide up and down?"

"It probably only works when you do it _slowly._" Monaco tried to jerk it around, and true to form, it stayed stubbornly on her wrist. She sat on the bed and watched the two experiment.

"So, what did England say again, to get this thing off?" Taiwan asked.

"Something about not doing anything stupid and if we won't destroy anything, he'll take 'em off." America frowned. He fiddled with the handcuff.

_So, wait, _she thought. _I am handcuffed to the biggest idiot in the world and in order to get out of this we have to _not_ be stupid_. Taiwan groaned and started to mentally compose her will, and hope that they managed to get the cuffs off her corpse. Then, Monaco said something that almost literally made Taiwan and America freeze in horror.

"It's getting to be late. I guess you guys are sleeping here."

Trains of thought crashed, burned, and left none of the passengers inside alive, razing nearby villages, laying waste to fields of thought. It was so spectacular that for years afterwards the mind-dwellers of those two nations named it "The Great Mechanical Kablooie of Spectacular Proportions, Leaving No One Alive." Or the GMKoSPLNOK. That's pronounced Gimik-o-Splinok.

It was rated slightly more damaging as reading Twilight.

"W-where are we going to be sleeping?" stammered out Taiwan, dreading her response.

Monaco blinked owlishly at her. "You're handcuffed together. The bed's much too small, so I'm afraid you'll both have the floor. I can spare you some sheets, though. The couch is extendable."

It must be noted here that America's face at this point turned a fairly fetching shade of green. If, you know, it was painted on your walls in pinstripes or worn as an evening gown. Not so much when it is plastered on a human face.

"B-but heroes don't do that sort of thing!" he finally exclaimed. "Can't we just, y'know, stay up all night-"

"No. Here are the sheets. I'm going to bed." The ever pitiless Monaco was asleep in minutes. The same could not be said for the other two.

Taiwan dragged out the couch and extended it into a spare bed, spread the sheets on it and lay down. That's the straightforward way to phrase how Taiwan and America managed to make a working bed. In reality, America lifted the entire thing, dropped it accidentally, and the extendable part shot out like toast from a toaster that'd had fifty cups of coffee three seconds before you'd loaded it, making an impressive dent in the wall. The sheets were tangled up from the confused hodgepodge of directions the two had given each other and in the end they'd discarded the things and flopped upon a plain mattress.

In the end, feeling uncomfortable, they stared off into two different directions opposite to their bed-partner.

0o0o0

"Hey, Taiwan?" whispered America, a few minutes later. The girl didn't budge.

"Taiwa~an-Taiwan? Hey, Ilha Formosa? Erm…Mei? Wanwan? Come o~on." America threw all cautions to the winds and delicately poked her shoulder. Slowly, rotating her head, Taiwan's eyes met his and they looked like the flames of hell were burning in them.

"What." She said. It wasn't a question. It was more of a statement that was resigned to exist only to provoke sentences of complete and utter drivel. America could not comprehend this, since he was an amazingly dense man, and instead went on with his question.

"Y-You know, for the Taiwan Relations Act…Does it help you?" he asked softly, once again small and fragile. Taiwan blinked rapidly. _Why was he going into this?_

"O-of course." She patted his hand, at a bit of a loss. "Go to sleep now, okay?"

"Be quiet, you two. I can't sleep." grumbled Monaco.

0o0o0

It was a few hours later, and Taiwan found out something mildly horrifying.

No. Scratch that. It was sickeningly, disgustingly terrifyingly _wrong._

America had burger breath.

When he's awake, this is barely noticed because a continuous stream of absolute idiocy is being poured through one ear, filtered through your brains and goes out the other ear to dribble miserably onto the floor, much like alien goop. One does not notice breath, or even sometimes, one's surroundings; all you are focused on doing is making absolutely sure that America-logic is not boring a crater roughly the size of the Pacific Ocean into the delicate grey matter that is your brain.

However, when he's sleeping, one is made brutally aware of this because, of course, there is no idiocy.

Taiwan tried to get away. She squirmed. She twisted in unholy gymnastic forms to attempt to face away from the stench. She would've turned over but that would've required her giving up any lasting connection to her hand and a good quarter of her wrist.

So, she sat there, stared up at the ceiling and smelled the past residue of approximately fifteen Big Macs waft next to her right ear.

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...

**...Anyone who gives me a satisfactory reason why there are fifteen Big Macs will earn an internet cookie. Satisfactory does not mean logical or coherent.**


End file.
